I don't know about everyone else out there, but typically, I go through phases during a deployment. The first couple weeks are usually pretty tough, then I'm fine for a couple months. Then I hit another rough spot, and so on. I usually get into my own routine and life gets to seem normal without him here. Sad, yes, but otherwise how would you survive it?
This time I didn't hit a rough spot until now. Almost 5 months in. When he first left, I almost felt relieved. The month before he left was terrible, constant worry and stress about THE GOODBYE. After THE GOODBYE was over it was like I could breathe again. Phew, that's over. I'm not sure if that's normal, but that's how I felt, and it makes sense to me that I felt like that.
The first two weeks were so busy. I had a 3 month old, and I was moving. There was so much to do, I was so busy I didn't have time to sit and feel sorry for myself. I didn't have time to miss him, I was busy! Then I was busy with Christmas stuff. I didn't want to Christmas shop before I moved, because I didn't want to transport all of the gifts so I had less than a week to shop. Yuck. I figured that after Christmas things would slow down and then it would sink in. Apparently I was nieve in thinking anything would slow down when you have an infant. Haha.
I stayed with my mom until our household goods and vehicle got here. The vehicle is another story...nightmare! Then I moved again. See? It's been a busy 5 months. So now is my first downer period that has lasted more than a day. I'm ready for it to be over. I have no motivation to do anything. Thank God for Fuzz. If I didn't have her I'd probably lie in bed all day and would have probably gained about 20 lbs already.
I think I need to do some cleaning, motivation or not. I always feel better inside when my outside is cleaner. I also think I need to get to the gym and use that as my stress reliever. It would also give me some "me" time, away from Fuzz. I love her but I need a break occassionally, and for some reason I feel guilty asking anyone to help me with her. I know I have plenty of people that are willing to help, I just feel guilty. She's mine, I shouldn't have to count on others to take care of her for me. At the same time, I know it's important to take care of me.
I'll get there, it's what we military spouses do.
Friday Things #591: A Bittersweet Update
2 days ago
