I am having a hard time falling asleep at night because my stomach is already doing flip flops in anticipation of seeing him again. It's so stinkin' close, but yet far enough away that I can't afford the insomnia.
I still have moments of disbelief and worry that in fact he will not come home. I know it's a defense mechanism, but really, is that going to make any difference? If Stryker was killed over there, is my non-belief now that he's coming home going to help me cope with the news in even the slightest way? I doubt it. Not that the practicality of that quells my worries.
Fuzz was up for 2 hours straight from 4AM to 6AM. Crying. I've been trying to wean her from night feedings. I breastfeed, and it's tough. She's 7 months old, she doesn't need to eat at night. There were a couple rough nights, but after that it's been great. I've been letting her soothe herself to sleep. Sometimes when she wakes up she jabbers for a little bit and goes right back to sleep. Last night she screamed. It's so hard because all I want to do is go in and cuddle and hold her, but I know that's not the best thing to do for either of us. I've really been good about being consistent. If she doesn't let up I go in and check on her, tell her I love her, tell her it's not time to get up yet, leave. Sometimes the outburst lasts 20 minutes, sometimes it's 2 hours.
It's nights like that when I really miss my honey. I really feel for single moms. Lord willing, my single mom status will end in less than a year.
