Flip flop

I am having a hard time falling asleep at night because my stomach is already doing flip flops in anticipation of seeing him again. It's so stinkin' close, but yet far enough away that I can't afford the insomnia.

I still have moments of disbelief and worry that in fact he will not come home. I know it's a defense mechanism, but really, is that going to make any difference? If Stryker was killed over there, is my non-belief now that he's coming home going to help me cope with the news in even the slightest way? I doubt it. Not that the practicality of that quells my worries.