Time is short

Here I sit. My husband and I just enjoyed a delicious meal of shrimp scampi and are continuing enjoying our Reisling. Our daughter is happy and reaching for him and he just took her in to change her diaper. I love my life. I love this life. I wish it wasn't changing again in less than a week.

Our time up to now has been incredible. The first few days were a little tough. It was wonderful having him back, but it was definitely a readjustment. Unexpectedly, Fuzz has adjusted better than the two of us.

I will write much more about it later, but I must get back to my little family.


Birthday party

Now that Daddy is home, we finally got to have Fuzz's birthday party. It was a great time, and no words are needed to tell how much she enjoyed her cupcake.


The blackout is over

He is home. I feel like it should feel different. It is as if he never even left. When he first took Fuzz, she wrinkled up her nose at him. But before we even left the airport she was giving him kisses and hugs. It was amazing. Oh how I missed the electricity of his touch. The blackout is over....for now.


One thing is missing...

Mani/pedi - check
Clean house - check
Stryker's beer of choice - check
Stocked fridge - check
Butterflies - check
Insomnia - check
Stryker -



Ok seriously, what are the people staying in Galveston thinking?!?! In the clip I just saw, the storm was still 200 miles off shore and the water was already above their 17 ft. sea wall.


Not Unchanged

Well, my R&R donut says, "Leaving on a jet plane". Unfortunately that's not exactly how it's happening. Yet. But we're close. By this time next week, the great love of my life, my soulmate, my Stryker will be here. Right where he belongs.

I hope it isn't weird for him. He left our home in Hawaii, and is coming home to our home in Wisconsin. He's never seen it, there are new things here since he's left, our baby is starting to walk and is starting to be mischievous. I am able to wear all of my pre-pregnancy clothes again, my boobs are smaller, my hair is different.

I think of all these things that will be different for him, and yet when I think about seeing him, I never think of him being anything different than when he was when he left. But I know he's different. Maybe not on the outside like we are here, but on the inside. His heart is different. His mind is different. You don't go through the things he has, and see the things he has, and remain unchanged. I know this. It scares me.

The last time he came back he had nightmares for months. I would wake to him grabbing me violently, yet he was sleeping. It happened twice. The first time I was sleeping on my stomach and suddenly his hand was on the back of my neck. I grabbed him and woke him up and he was just as startled by it as I was.

The second time he grabbed my arm and nearly pulled me to the other side of the bed. Again I woke him and he was scared. He kept apologizing. I didn't feel like an apology was necessary. Apologizing for acting out in a nightmare, while still sound asleep? He talked to his chain of command after the second time and it never happened again.

My husband is NOT a violent man. He hates fighting and will go to extremes to avoid it. He has never laid a hand on me in anger, nor has he ever brought me down mentally. He is the most remarkable person I have ever met, and it saddens me that the training and mindset needed to fight in a war can slowly turn a person into someone else. I'm just hoping and praying for the fundamentals to stay the same, and I truly believe they will. I have to.


What a difference a year makes

September 23, 2007

September 8, 2008


Birthday girl

Thanks for all the birthday wishes. They added to my already fabulous day.

P.S. I am definitely keeping the card (and envelope) with the little signature.


Happy Birthday

to me!

When I heard Fuzz for the first time this morning at the sweet hour of 8:15 I thought, she knows it's my birthday and she let me sleep in this morning! The sweetness ended shortly after that. She was crabby and she bit me. Hard. Teeth marks through my shirt. It was after approximately 4 times of telling her no biting. She went into time out and hated it. I only left her there for about a minute, and thankfully there wasn't anymore biting after that.

After her morning nap, which she fought, just like she has been for the last week, she was in much better spirits. The day just got better from there.

A package from Stryker with a teddy bear and bath items. Lunch with my mom and sister while my dad babysat. They really went all out. These were on the table as we walked in.

Following lunch, we went to a wine bar. We sampled a few wines, bought a bottle we all agreed on and shared it while relaxing and visiting. After that we returned to my house and my mom brought a ice cream cake. Yummy! Once everyone left I found this on my bed. Note the little signature.

I have a wonderful family. It was a great day.


Fuzz has been so great lately. The biting has subsided. She must have just had a tooth that needed to break through. I've said to many people that Stryker is coming home at a great time. She is so fun, has personality plus, and actually does things. She is thisclose to walking, but might be waiting for daddy. She is standing on her own more and more, even doing the excited arm circles without losing her balance.

On Monday one of my oldest and best friends came to visit. She moved to Colorado a few years ago and I don't get to see her often, but it's one of those friendships that falls right back into place like it was only yesterday that we were together.

She has a little boy who is three months older than Fuzz and it was so fun watching them interact. Fuzz was so excited from the moment he walked in the door. She was waving and making all these excited noises. She crawled right over to him and was trying to give him kisses.

He wasn't having it.

It was great, I wish they lived closer.

Flip flop

I am having a hard time falling asleep at night because my stomach is already doing flip flops in anticipation of seeing him again. It's so stinkin' close, but yet far enough away that I can't afford the insomnia.

I still have moments of disbelief and worry that in fact he will not come home. I know it's a defense mechanism, but really, is that going to make any difference? If Stryker was killed over there, is my non-belief now that he's coming home going to help me cope with the news in even the slightest way? I doubt it. Not that the practicality of that quells my worries.


The Pop-in

I am very much not a fan of the "pop-in". You know, when people (mainly my grandparents and my dad) just pop-in to visit unexpectedly. Among the reasons why I don't like this:

* My house is often messy. Fuzz sees to that.

* I'm a mother of a busy baby (still avoiding the toddler word), most the time I don't shower immediately upon waking. Notice is nice so I can at least throw on a bra.

* My husband is deployed, and the unexpected knock or door bell freaks me out.

The most irritating part of the whole thing is that I have told my grandparents and my dad that they should call first because it scares me when they come over unannounced. How disrespectful of my feelings.

My grandparents think it's ok to just pop in if it's a special day. On Fuzz's birthday they just showed up here. I didn't answer the door. They also believe it's alright to just pop in if they call first and I don't answer. They don't leave a message saying they are coming over, they just show up later.

My dad...well, he "forgot" the reason why I don't like him to just show up. So he knew I didn't like the pop-in, but didn't remember why, so he still did it? Does that make any sense? Do I need a reason why I don't like it?

The funniest part about my dad is that the grandparents who do the pop-in over here are his parents, and when I tell him that they just stopped over unannounced he always says it's rude. And then he does it!

Why did I move back here again?