Outlet

Holy smokes, it's been almost nine months since I have posted. I haven't taken the time for blogging and I'm not sure why. Busy living life instead of writing about it I guess. I got to the point that I was writing for the feedback and connection with others. Now, if I continue, it's for me.

I just had a birthday earlier this week, and I certainly didn't think this is where I would be in life at this point. I was always a great student, graduated college with an excellent GPA, and felt like the world was my oyster. Had a couple jobs out of college, and then the Army and building a family kind of took over. Here I am, 29, unemployed, and struggling to find a good job despite my education and life experiences. I got sad about it for awhile. Disappointed in myself, feeling like I was a disappointment to my family.

Life is all about choices though, isn't it? It was my choice while Zack was in the Army to raise Karsyn full time. During his deployment, I wanted her to at least have one parent around all the time that she could count on. When he got back from his deployment, I enjoyed taking care of our whole family. I liked being there on the occasional day that he got out of work early. I enjoyed taking Karsyn to story time at the libraryand to the park with our neighbors. It was wonderful to be able to pursue my photography and start my own business.

When you're out of the traditional workplace for four years, it's tough to find a job, even though life has taught me so much in those years. However, when I think about the choices I made that got me to this point, I have no regrets. I started to think about my life on a grander scale. I have an amazing husband. I have a beautiful, smart, funny, and outgoing daughter. And I like to think she is who she is, at least in part, because I was with her during those years.

I am blessed. I have what many people dream of. I will take my little family over a successful career any day of the week. I am still looking for a job, I need one, but it doesn't define me.

This is what does:

Conundrum

First of all, thank you for your supportive comments on my last post. I know that these feelings are normal, and they make sense, but hearing your validation helps tame the crazy.

On to my conundrum. As we all know, the economy leaves something to be desired lately. For the last couple years, I've been a stay at home wife and mother. I'm really passionate, and interested in photography, and would love to pursue that as a career. I'd like to take some classes, invest in some equipment, and make this dream a reality. I'm actually trying to sign up for a workshop in April.

However, in just over two years, Stryker will be getting out of the Army. At least that's the plan. Once he's out, he's very serious about going back to school. So the question is, do I get a job at our next duty station in the field that I have my degree in so I'll have a little experience by the time Stryker gets out, thus leaving me making more money to support us, or do I keep on (selfishly?) pursuing the photography dream?

Stryker is very supportive, but it's hard being an adult! I know that it's probably smarter to get a job in my field, but I know it wouldn't make me as happy.

Hopefully after the workshop in April (if I get in), I will have a better idea. At least I have a few more months to stew over it. What to do, what to do?

Working woman

Yep, I got a job. Tomorrow is my first day.

I wasn't really planning on getting a job while Stryker is deployed. I didn't want a full time job for a few reasons.

#1 - We thought that while he is gone, Fuzz should have at least one of us around for her.
#2 - I am still breastfeeding, and at around 4 months Fuzz refused to take a bottle anymore. I know she would have learned if she didn't have options, but it made things difficult.
#3 - Finding a professional (I have a BBA in Finance) part-time job is nearly impossible, and probably wouldn't pay for day care.

But, I need to get out of the house occasionally and away from 24/7 mommy duty, and things just kind of fell into place.

My mom lost her job because they shut down the paper mill she worked for, and she's going back to school in the fall, so she's available to watch Fuzz. We went golfing a couple weeks ago at a golf course I used to work at and we were having a drink afterward. My old manager was bartending and she said that she needed waitresses. Voila, a very part-time, fun, low stress job to get me out a couple days a week. And a little extra cash is never a bad thing either.