The Great Find

I was reading New Girl's post yesterday about whether or not we help out our significant other's pick out gifts and it got me thinking about past gifts from Stryker. I was trying to remember if there were any times that he really got me a great gift without any help from me, and the first one that came to mind was the necklace he got me for my birthday last year.


I had just given birth to Fuzz, and when he asked me for ideas I told him I just wanted him to get something for me that he picked out because those gifts mean so much more. I have to admit, doing this usually bites me in the butt. On the first big outing since her birth, I was getting a haircut in the mall and he was bumming around with Fuzz trying to find a gift for me.

When I was done getting my hair cut, he was hemming and hawing about how he just couldn't think of anything and so he wanted me to pick out some new tennis shoes (that I was going to buy regardless). I was so frustrated, but he was so upset over it that I maintained my calm and kept telling him it was ok.

So we go and I pick out shoes that were probably more expensive than I would have spent because after all, this is my birthday present and I was going to buy shoes anyway, they might as well be nice ones...

I get the shoes, I'm pushing the stroller and we're on our way outside and I open the little compartment in the stroller to get my sunglasses and there is a long skinny box in there. Complete shock. Immediately I felt guilty for being angry. I loved the necklace. Not only is my favorite color green, but it was also Fuzz's birthstone.

Fast forward to February and I'm moving out of my mom's house to our new place. About a week later I realize I haven't worn my necklace for awhile (unusual), and go to put it on. Can't find it. Are you kidding me? Where could it be? I searched and searched and never found it. I remembered putting it in with some stuff on one of the trips from my mom's to the new place but couldn't remember exactly where I had put it. I was sick. I just knew that I must have stuck it in one of the Target bags and then when I unloaded the stuff from the bag didn't see the necklace and threw the bag away. I was just devastated. How could I be so irresponsible with something so precious?

Now you know that feeling you get when you put on a jacket for the first time since last winter and you find $20 in the pocket? Magnify that by about 158,000 and you get the feeling I had last night when I was decorating the tree and opened the box that one of Fuzz's ornaments was in, took the ornament out, and my necklace was lying in the bottom of the box! My heart started beating out of my chest, and I was on the verge of tears. I just stared at it for about 5 minutes before I could even take it out of the box. To think I almost didn't put the ornaments on the tree this year!

Friends, or lack thereof

I never thought that a point would come in my life that I wouldn't really have any friends. I have a few friends who I can talk to about anything, but none of them that live close to me anymore. I don't have friends around who I can call on the drop of a hat and say "let's go do lunch". I miss that...so very much.

I was the girl in high school who heard people say that once you graduate you don't really keep up with your high school friends and thought it would never pertain to me. It did. I still talk to a handful of those old friends, but not very often, and we are not nearly as close as we once were. When we do get together, we mostly talk about our other old friends and if we've heard about what's gone on in their lives lately. Gossip, reminiscing, idle chat.

I am a "handful of tight friends" girl as opposed to a "tons of party friends" girl. Let me explain what I mean by party friends. Say you're at a party, sitting in a chair people watching. You see a girl who runs up to everyone she's met even once and gives them a huge hug. You might think they are best friends, but they probably don't even know the other's last name. Party friends.

This is one hard part of the military life. You might just start to develop one of those tight friendships and then you move. Suddenly you're in a new place and starting all over.

I'm a stay at home mom right now so I don't have a lot of opportunities to meet new people, and somehow I think thrashing on the floor in Walmart crying "Waaaa! I want a friend!" is going to help my cause. Well, then maybe the Mrs. would write about me....

And all of a sudden, it's real

First off, thanks to everyone for your kind words, thoughts, and prayers. They mean a lot.

I have not been able to stop thinking about this all day. I keep reliving it over and over in my head. I can practically see the attack as it occurred.

The phone rings at 7:41AM, Stryker. I can tell something isn't right. He says in this quiet, sensitive voice, "Did you get word?" Me, "No...what" Him, "*G*'s dead." I said, in a horrified voice with my heart in my throat, "No!"

I held it together for him, listened, tried to comfort him, and when we hung up the tears just came. This is the first fatality that has really hit close to home for me. Yes, they have had other fatalities in the brigade, but I didn't know them, so I was still able to keep the distance.

I know this guy, he held Fuzz, his wife and I have been emailing each other throughout this deployment. He was just home on R&R in July, got back and two weeks later he's gone. How horrific.

My heart is breaking for so many people. His wife, all I can think about is his wife. Is she ok? What is she doing right now? What can I do for her? The guy who was working on him screaming at him to hang in there. Because I know him, I feel so much...I can hear him screaming at *G*, I can see the look on his face. Oh my God, I know all of these guys.

Stryker was understandably upset when I talked to him this morning. He feels guilty that *G* took his old job and now he's gone. He feels grateful that he's ok. And then he feels guilty that he feels grateful. He's afraid that *G*'s wife is going to blame him. He also feels guilty that he hasn't been telling me much. At one point in our conversation he said, "I haven't been telling you a lot of what's going on here, and I'm sorry." Baby, do not worry about that. I know that you are just trying to keep me from worrying, and it doesn't upset me.

Now they turn around 2 or 3 days later and have to just jump back in. How can they do that? How can they be expected to do that? I am amazed by the strength and the capabilities of our military men and women. I am so proud of them. Who else could go out there after losing someone you've known and seen almost every day of your life for five years, and get the job done? I'm in awe. I know that they will probably carry this loss with them for the rest of their lives and it's not going to be easy.

We truly have some of the strongest, finest people out there. Here's to you *G*, here's to you.

Our Story

Stryker and I met in college. We lived on the same floor in the dorms. We were friends. He always made my stomach do flip flops, but we both were in relationships. I never voiced my feelings. He never voiced his, but it was kinda mutual. So we were friends first. For about two years before we actually got together. I think that's the best. By the time we decided to be together, there was no point trying to pretend we were something we weren't. We already knew each other.

Then he decided that he wanted to pursue his dream. He wanted to join the Army right out of high school but his family encouraged him to try college first. So he did, and in the end he did what he wanted to do in the first place.

I am certain with everything that I am that even if he had joined right out of high school we still would have met and fallen in love. There are many crazy things that have happened that assure us that it was written in the stars for us to be together. God made him only for me, and me for him.

While he was between basic training and airborne school he called me. He had gotten a different phone so I didn't have it in my phone, but we talked. It was a strange thing. He had never called me before. Like a bonehead, I didn't save his number. But he called again. And again before I finally saved his number. So during these phone calls, we decided to get together when he got back from airborne.

And we did, and it happened, and it was amazing. I had never felt like this about someone before. I couldn't believe that "9th floor Stryker" liked...me! A Soldier's Wife quotes Julia perfectly.

So the sad day approached when his leave at home was over and he had to report to his duty station. I gave him a kiss, sent him off with some of my M&M cookies, and that was that. It wasn't long before he found out he'd be deploying. With that news, Stryker started to freak out a little. It was a new relationship. He didn't want me to sit around waiting for him. I was in college, I should be living it up, he thought. So he broke my heart. I asked him if that's what it was. He told me no. Why do people do that? Why do they think they know what's better for you than you do?

I was truly heartbroken. I just couldn't understand it. Days before he was telling me he was the luckiest man in the world. My world felt like it was falling apart. I was ready to pack up and fly halfway around the world to see him. Make him tell me to my face that's what he wanted. I refrained. I even refrained from calling him at all. It had to be one of the hardest things I've ever done.

About a week later he called me. He wanted to be friends. I wanted all or nothing. He continued to call me over the next month and then he started sounding like the feelings were still there. I knew they had to be. You can't just turn something off like that. But he made me feel like there was possibility. He wanted to see me. So I packed up and flew halfway around the world during my Thanksgiving break bound and determined to get my man back. And I did.