4K

That's right, my little peanut is in 4K. She just barely made the cut off, so we're just going to see how it goes and reassess in the spring whether she is ready for Kindergarten or if she will do 4K again next year.

So far, she loves it, which is amazing. She's been in a three year old preschool program in Georgia and also was in child care while I was working this past winter/spring. Neither one went very well. She would be fine for about a week and then start to get really sad. It was heart wrenching.

These days when I ask how school went she says "I loved it." in her little four year old way. Heart melting is much better than heart wrenching!

Outlet

Holy smokes, it's been almost nine months since I have posted. I haven't taken the time for blogging and I'm not sure why. Busy living life instead of writing about it I guess. I got to the point that I was writing for the feedback and connection with others. Now, if I continue, it's for me.

I just had a birthday earlier this week, and I certainly didn't think this is where I would be in life at this point. I was always a great student, graduated college with an excellent GPA, and felt like the world was my oyster. Had a couple jobs out of college, and then the Army and building a family kind of took over. Here I am, 29, unemployed, and struggling to find a good job despite my education and life experiences. I got sad about it for awhile. Disappointed in myself, feeling like I was a disappointment to my family.

Life is all about choices though, isn't it? It was my choice while Zack was in the Army to raise Karsyn full time. During his deployment, I wanted her to at least have one parent around all the time that she could count on. When he got back from his deployment, I enjoyed taking care of our whole family. I liked being there on the occasional day that he got out of work early. I enjoyed taking Karsyn to story time at the libraryand to the park with our neighbors. It was wonderful to be able to pursue my photography and start my own business.

When you're out of the traditional workplace for four years, it's tough to find a job, even though life has taught me so much in those years. However, when I think about the choices I made that got me to this point, I have no regrets. I started to think about my life on a grander scale. I have an amazing husband. I have a beautiful, smart, funny, and outgoing daughter. And I like to think she is who she is, at least in part, because I was with her during those years.

I am blessed. I have what many people dream of. I will take my little family over a successful career any day of the week. I am still looking for a job, I need one, but it doesn't define me.

This is what does:

She talks to cakes.

I am happy to report that Fuzz didn't have any adverse effects from the shot. Unless you count being extra sassy for the last couple days an adverse effect.

Today, we're having a little cookout to celebrate her third birthday. Um, excuse me, who told her she could get older?? I made an exchange with another local business to swap a cake for a photography session, and we picked up the cake this morning.

She keeps talking to the cake and running into the room yelling "Cake time!"
Nice try Fuzz.

just ugh...

I am so mad at myself.

Today was Fuzz's three year well child doctor's appointment. She was such a big girl, did everything the doctor asked her to, and everything checked out fine. Then the doctor told me that she needed her second Hepatitis A immunization. I am not anti-vaccination by any stretch, but when she had that shot last year, she had a reaction to it. The day after she received it, she woke up and her leg was close to twice as big as it should have been.

Initially when I went in today I thought that the shot that gave her that reaction was the one for chicken pox, so I had it planned that if they wanted to give her that one again, I was going to say no. I mean, it's chicken pox. I've had it, you've probably had it, we're all still kickin. She had already had one of the series, if she ended up getting chicken pox, it would probably be a minor case, I was ok with that decision. When I realized it was the Hepatitis A one that gave her a reaction, I wasn't so sure. Hepatitis seems more serious to me than the chicken pox.

Either way, when I started to tell the doctor that she had a reaction to that shot last time, she started interrupting me. I told her again that she had a reaction, and she says "So you don't want her to get it then?". Perhaps she didn't mean it to sound like that, but to me, that's what it sounded like. I asked her if perhaps they had a different version of the shot they could give her and she totally brushed her reaction off saying "well that one doesn't usually give a bad reaction, maybe something got in it or maybe they hit a blood vessel or something." She then wouldn't give me my paperwork until she had the shot.

So, basically, I let the doctor bully me into getting the shot for Fuzz.

I'm mad at myself, because she actually ended up having to get two shots today. One that she's had before and done fine with, HIB, and the Hep A. So the nurse does the first shot (HIB) and Fuzz doesn't even flinch. No tears, no whining, nothing. Then she does the Hep A. Again, needle goes in, Fuzz doesn't flinch. Meds go in and she screams. I told the nurse about her previous reaction and she looks at me with wide eyes and goes "Nobody told me that!" with sympathy in her voice. I was about two seconds away from bursting into tears.

The doctor never said anything!

Yet, I'm mad at myself because I'm the mama, I should have advocated better on her behalf. I should have made sure the nurse knew about the reaction.

Ugh.

The baby debate

Fuzz would love a little baby in our house. Two of our friends here have little ones and it has been a joy to watch her be a little mommy. Stryker and I both have the itch, but the timing isn't ideal, which ultimately just makes us want another one more I think.

Friday, I had a newborn photo shoot, and let me tell you, I fell in love. I could photograph newborn babies all day long. So innocent, so tiny, so squeaky. I forgot about those little baby squeaks.

During the dreaded first trimester of her pregnancy, Sara and I were talking about how much it sucked and how people say you forget about it. Let me tell you something. I haven't forgotten. One of the sole reasons having another baby right now makes me squirmish is because I just really don't want to be pregnant again. I had a horrible first trimester, and I didn't forget. I told Stryker multiple times during pregnancy, "I'm sorry, I know you want two, but it's not happening."

"Why would anyone have a second child?" I wondered.

I figured it out about the time Fuzz turned two. Stryker had been back for a few months, so all the responsibility of raising her wasn't falling on me anymore. Fuzz was doing and saying new things every day. I was able to sit back and enjoy her, and I was falling deeper in love than I ever thought possible. My daughter is hilarious, sweet, kind, and beautiful. That is why people have second (third, fourth...) babies. They get to that special age and just become so much fun. And then the itch begins. At least that's how it happened for me.

Lord willing we will have another baby. I'm just not sure when.

Dizzy

Sometimes
it's just fun
to feel the wind
in your hair.




Cross posted from my photo blog.

Our Little Elephant

You probably already saw on Sara's blog, but for Halloween, Fuzz was an elephant. I'd say she was a pretty darn cute one at that. She loved her costume and even made elephant noises. This year she was afraid of crazy face paint, and masks, but she was a fan of the candy! When we dumped out her bucket when we got back home she squealed and proceeded to dive right in.

Birthday girl

It's been awhile! Since I've last written, Fuzz had a birthday! Can you believe she's two? Because I can't.

When I saw this tutu, I just knew it was the perfect party skirt

My mom was here during her own birthday so Fuzz got to practice blowing out candles, and as you can see, she couldn't wait to blow out her own.

She is getting to be so fun and verbal and just such a joy.

She currently loves animals and can make nearly any animal noise. She loves to say hi and buh-bye. As a matter of fact we went grocery shopping today and she said buy-bye to nearly every person we passed. Seriously. She also loves to blow kisses. We probably need to work on that - teaching her who it's appropriate to blow kisses to and who it's not...like complete strangers. Fuzz also has a friend! Our neighbors have a little boy who is a little older than her and they are best buds now. It's so cute. They also have a little baby, and Fuzz is crazy about her too. She probably would like a little brother or sister of her own, but thankfully she's not the one who gets to make that call!

Upgrade

In pursuit of my career in photography, I got a new baby yesterday.



So far, I love it! I am still learning some of the things on it that are different on my old camera, but I'm excited. Here's one of my first pictures on it.



The greatest part is that shirt is from my mom. The grandma who thinks that Fuzz can do no wrong.

Yeah, I was the mom who made her sit as if she was in time out so I could take a picture of her in her time out shirt.

My big date

Yay! I met my first blogging buddy! Sara, Fuzz, and I met up yesterday, and it was so fun.

I can't imagine how it sounds to a non-blogger. "I met this girl on the internet, and we're going out for lunch." But it was very un-weird actually. She was taller than I expected, but other than that, there were no surprises. Her true spirit just shines on her blog, so I felt like going out for lunch was something we had done many times before.

After lunch, Fuzz and I got to meet Jagger. I'm willing to bet Fuzz liked Jagger more than he liked her. About 5 minutes after dealing with Fuzz, Jagger was hiding by Sara begging her to get rid of the crazy little girl.

She got some great pictures of all of us playing at her apartment complex, go check them out!

*Disclaimer* Although it looks very much like I had it out for Jagger on the slide picture, Sara assured me it was alright to let go. Don't listen to what she says. :)

Fuzz loving life

To ease your withdrawals of new Fuzz pictures, I present: The Watermelon That Lost.

Good to be back

Wow, it's been over a month since I've written! We have been very busy with visiting our families, house hunting, moving, and unpacking, but it's also a case of the longer you go without writing, the less you feel like you have to write about. I'm hoping to get back in the habit of it, even when I don't think I have anything to say.

Stryker and I took a couple days to drive down here. We left on the 29th, and only hit a little of this:



It was a pretty nice trip. As nice as an 18 hour road trip can be. On day two we decided to start taking pictures of all the different state license plates we saw. We saw so many! I am going to try and compile them into a collage. We must have gotten close to half. It definitely kept the trip interesting. Quick lane changes to catch a new one, tailgating, yeah...driver of the year! Not to mention what the other people were thinking when they saw a crazy man from Wisconsin trying to take their picture. Quite a few laughs that day.



We spent that night in Atlanta and had the most amazing dinner at Il Mulino. The food was amazing, and the service was even more amazing. Stryker and I like to go out to nice dinners occasionally, and this was a great pick.

Well, I'll leave it at that. It's time to go wake Fuzz up from her nap. Sleeping through the night has taken a hiatus, and we're trying everything we can to remedy that.

Sicky

Yesterday was our anniversary, we were woken up at 4:30AM by a sick Fuzz. Poor little bugger.

Of the four years we've been married, we've only actually been together for about two. And even those two were littered with field training, schools, and other separations. Such is the Army life. I think this was probably our hardest year yet. Here is to hopefully our best year yet!

We leave tomorrow. We're hoping Fuzz is feeling better by then, and that we don't contract it in the meantime.

Auntie Love

My sister's visit was awesome. It felt like we were never apart, and when she left, I missed her before she was even halfway to California. Her spending time with us makes me a little sad that Stryker reenlisted. I know that it the best decision for us right now, but spending time with her makes me realize that I want to just be closer to our families. Granted, being in Georgia, we will be closer to them, but I doubt we will see them any more often than we did while we were here.

The dolphin swim was amazing. We bought some of the pictures, but we don't have a scanner here, so I will have to upload them later. Fuzz loved it too. It was a really neat experience, I recommend it to anyone! We got to kiss her, dance with her, and Stryker got to feed her a fish. That was right up his alley.

By the way, do you think she likes Fuzz much?

Whirlwind

Talk about a whirlwind lately! My cousin's visit, my sister's visit, our lease ending on the first and us moving to a hotel until we leave, selling stuff... I have been one busy lady, and it's not going to stop any time soon.

We're getting settled into the hotel just in time to leave again. We'll be spending a week in Stryker's hometown, a week in mine, and then driving down to Georgia and hopefully finding somewhere to live quickly. We're already looking, but it's hard to commit to something without knowing the neighborhood, and more importantly, the smell. I have done enough apartment/house hunting to know that pictures of the place might look great, but nothing is worse than walking in and getting slammed with a smell that makes you believe cats, and only cats, lived there without a litter box for years.

Thankfully, Stryker's mom is going to fly down with Fuzz a few days after we leave. She does well in the car for about 20 minutes on a good day, so we're lucky we don't have to suffer through 15 hours with her. I would probably be bald by the time we got there. I don't do well with ear piercing screeching in small spaces. They don't seem to bother Stryker, which adds to the irritation.

How can that not drive a person to unthinkable acts?

Take 2

I can't believe that my sister will be here tomorrow already! That snuck up so fast, and I am so very excited. When I think about what Fuzz was like when we left in February, and what she is like now, I realize how much she has changed. My sister is just going to eat her up. I can't wait!

Today has been a potty training day. Don't worry, it hasn't been nearly as traumatic exciting as last time. Not that I'm going to test it with piggy-back rides or anything. The last few days she's been wanting to sit on her potty a lot. Mostly right after she's gone to the bathroom in her diaper, so I think it's starting to click. So today, after I took her first diaper off this morning, she wanted to sit on it, peed, and I decided today would be a no-diaper kind of day. So far she's doing well with it. I've yet to get a decent picture, but she likes to read while she's on the potty. How funny is that?!?

She's on or she's off

Just got home from possibly the worst walk with Fuzz ever.

I found this training program in my Fitness magazine, 6 weeks to a 5K. Supposedly it's for a beginner. Anyway, I'm on day 2, doing the 3-5 mile walk, and Stryker has a PT test tomorrow, so he said he probably wouldn't want to do it tonight, so I thought I'd go with Fuzz this morning. She enjoys our walks. Her latest craze is flowers. Loves loves loves flowers, and wants you to pick one for her at every corner. Hibiscus are her favorite, but maybe that's because there are so many of them around here.

So at about a mile and a half, there is this beach. Fuzz was starting to get a little antsy, so I thought, we'll stop at the beach, dip our feet in for a little bit, and then head back. I thought it would be a nice break for Fuzz. Well, apparently, 15 minutes wasn't long enough, because when we left she threw a huge fit. Arching her back in the stroller and the whole works. About a block into the way back, I stopped to talk to her and she had snot all over her face, her sunglasses, her fingers. That is how hard she was crying. I'm walking past people who can clearly hear her losing it, probably wondering if they should call CPS, smiling and saying "she wasn't ready to leave the beach".

She settled down a little bit, but whined and cried the whole way back. Right now she's eating lunch like nothing ever happened.

I need a nap.

No business like show business

Holy moly, I just had a busy busy weekend! My cousin arrived on Thursday, and left last night. He packed in a lot of excitement in four days. Waimea Valley, Luau, Pearl Harbor, hiking Diamond head, rock jumping at Waimea Bay, shark diving, and dinner out in Honolulu. It was so nice of him to come and visit, and we really had a great time.

Friday evening we went to the cultural center and roamed around there and then took in their luau. Best one I've ever been to. It was amazing and our seats were stellar. Fuzz loved it. She was dancing and doing the arm movements and grunting like the men were doing. It was pretty funny.

Between the dinner and the luau, she was standing outside an Elvis exhibit, listening to the music and dancing her heart out. Before long, Stryker is knocking on the window of the gift shop my cousin and I were in waving us to hurry and come out. We head out there and here's Fuzz.




You can see her crowd starting to develop on the right. On the opposite side of those people there were about 15 others watching her shake her stuff. Not kidding. They were cheering and clapping for her, and the more they cheered, the bigger she smiled and the harder she danced. One lady even gave her money. After about 3 songs we finally dragged her away, even though the crowd was yelling "again! Hana hou!" It was hilarious!

Afterward, some guy came up to us and said that when his son was her age he was the same way, and today he's a 29 year old musician who is very successful here in Hawaii, "so be careful, you're headed for show business!" he said. Yikes! I mean, I know I referred to her as a moviestar, but I didn't think it was actually reality.

My Moviestar

Not only am I her biggest fan, but she is apparently mine. Fuzz has taken to introducing everyone to me. As if she just believes everyone should know me. At least that's what I want to believe. Grocery store, park, parking lot, it doesn't matter. If there is someone around, she goes up to them, points to me, and says, "Mama!".

One of the best mom moments to date.

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all you hot mamas out there!

I feel so blessed that the Lord has allowed me to be a mom. And to be a mom to this little girl:



is especially wonderful.

You know those moments that make your heart sing when you first start falling in love? I have those every day, as I watch her grow and learn. I fall in love every single day. How awesome is that? Being a mom has also been a test in patience, but it's good. She's making me grow just as much as I am helping her do the same.

I can't wait to see what this next year in motherhood holds.