just ugh...

I am so mad at myself.

Today was Fuzz's three year well child doctor's appointment. She was such a big girl, did everything the doctor asked her to, and everything checked out fine. Then the doctor told me that she needed her second Hepatitis A immunization. I am not anti-vaccination by any stretch, but when she had that shot last year, she had a reaction to it. The day after she received it, she woke up and her leg was close to twice as big as it should have been.

Initially when I went in today I thought that the shot that gave her that reaction was the one for chicken pox, so I had it planned that if they wanted to give her that one again, I was going to say no. I mean, it's chicken pox. I've had it, you've probably had it, we're all still kickin. She had already had one of the series, if she ended up getting chicken pox, it would probably be a minor case, I was ok with that decision. When I realized it was the Hepatitis A one that gave her a reaction, I wasn't so sure. Hepatitis seems more serious to me than the chicken pox.

Either way, when I started to tell the doctor that she had a reaction to that shot last time, she started interrupting me. I told her again that she had a reaction, and she says "So you don't want her to get it then?". Perhaps she didn't mean it to sound like that, but to me, that's what it sounded like. I asked her if perhaps they had a different version of the shot they could give her and she totally brushed her reaction off saying "well that one doesn't usually give a bad reaction, maybe something got in it or maybe they hit a blood vessel or something." She then wouldn't give me my paperwork until she had the shot.

So, basically, I let the doctor bully me into getting the shot for Fuzz.

I'm mad at myself, because she actually ended up having to get two shots today. One that she's had before and done fine with, HIB, and the Hep A. So the nurse does the first shot (HIB) and Fuzz doesn't even flinch. No tears, no whining, nothing. Then she does the Hep A. Again, needle goes in, Fuzz doesn't flinch. Meds go in and she screams. I told the nurse about her previous reaction and she looks at me with wide eyes and goes "Nobody told me that!" with sympathy in her voice. I was about two seconds away from bursting into tears.

The doctor never said anything!

Yet, I'm mad at myself because I'm the mama, I should have advocated better on her behalf. I should have made sure the nurse knew about the reaction.

Ugh.