Recognizing Daddy

Stryker, like most military dads I would imagine, is so afraid of Fuzz not recognizing him when he comes home. It seems to me that he even goes so far to almost detach himself. Even on Father's Day he was acting like "yeah it's Father's day..I'm not a dad" kind of thing. I'm sure it's a defense mechanism to try and prevent hurt feelings if she doesn't in fact warm up to him immediately. Nonetheless, it makes me sad.

He had a little over 3 months with her before he deployed, and he took to fatherhood so naturally. He loves her to pieces and is so good with her it made me wonder why he got the "paternal instinct" more that I got the "maternal" one.

The first few weeks with Fuzz were tough for me. I think with all the hormonal stuff going on, along with the healing, and learning to nurse, I just didn't feel that connected. I never thought I would be one of those women that I read about. The women who take a while to feel connected and bonded with their babies. I thought she would come out, I'd take one look at her and fell like my insides were just overflowing. That didn't happen for me. I loved her, yes, but I didn't feel like I was in love with her until she was almost 2 months old. I know this doesn't make me a bad mother, but it was a hard situation for me.

Anyway, back to the point... Before Stryker left, I was trying to think of all kinds of things I could do for Fuzz so that she would be familiar with her daddy. I decided I'd make her a doll (which I later found out people sell...I could have been a millionaire!), she has a baby photo album with pictures of her and daddy in it, and we took video of him reading her books.

Now that she's getting a little older, she is starting to remember things for a longer period of time, and it is so cute. Every night as part of her bedtime routine, she watches Stryker read her a book or two, and she gets so excited when she sees me go to turn it on. She gives her daddy doll kisses. And most recently, when she saw Stryker on webcam, the biggest smile came over her face, even before he started making goofy faces at her. This is big, because he doesn't get a chance to come on webcam very often. I think she is recognizing him, and it melts my heart to see how happy it makes him.

The Real Deal

Today I was thinking about the day Stryker left. He was getting dressed in his ACU's and there was an eerie quiet in the house. A moment was coming that we were both dreading, and there really wasn't much to say. This was it.

I asked him how he was feeling and he said something to the effect that he was kind of excited. Excited???

Then it hit me, finally after all of their training, he was going to actually put it to use. This was his real job, the rest was just practice.

Although it was a sad day for both of us, it sure made it easier for me knowing that he was going into it excited and ready. To see him feel like he was actually going to make a difference and feel like he was actually doing his job was all the comfort I needed.

Thanks

Thanks to everyone for the anniversary wishes and supportive comments lately. I was a blog lurker for a long time before I worked up the courage to start commenting. Now that I have a blog of my own, I know how much the comments mean and I wonder why I was ever shy in the first place!

Happy Anniversary My Love

Has it really been three years already?

Good intentions

My dad asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner tomorrow night for mine and Stryker's anniversary. Sweet, although a little strange.

Relativity of Time

Reading other military spouses' blogs puts a lot of things into perspective for me. The latest revelation I have had is about time. I read about women cherishing their last few months together, and I read about those who are waiting for their loved ones to come home.

A month is a month, yet those last six before Stryker left sure seemed to go a lot quicker than the last six since he left. Overall, I can't really complain. Our time apart has moved along nicely so far. We have been through an OIF deployment once already, and a shorter stint in the Philippines. However, before he left when I thought about the deployment, it felt as though we'd never make it to six months in. Not because I thought we wouldn't make it as a couple, oh no, we are stronger than any stinkin' deployment. Six months just seemed unfathomable, even though I knew from previous experience it is quite do-able.

I find that, like most things, I get myself worked up ahead of time and then once I'm actually in the situation, it isn't as bad as I anticipated. Which I guess is good. Who doesn't love it when things aren't as bad as you think they are going to be?

So here's to those ladies breathing in their hubbies until they have to leave. Stay strong...the goodbye is usually the hardest part. And here's to those of us who are awaiting the return of our loves...we will make it.

Teething + Overtired = Nightmare

That's all.

What I learned today...

When you let Fuzz feed herself, give her twice as much as you think she will actually eat, as half of it will end up on the floor.

Snail Mail

I know that we're all partial to our own, but I have to say..sorry ladies but I got the best of the bunch.

I got a snail mail letter from Stryker today, and he wrote some things in it that were just beautiful. They melted my heart, and made me cry a little.

He's amazing, I love him.

Does anyone else have the experience that words handwritten in a letter sound so eloquent? I think maybe that they just mean more because I know he actually thought through what he was writing before putting it to paper. I also have noticed that although I get the letter usually weeks after he actually wrote it, the words he wrote always seem to come to me at the perfect time.

I love snail mail.

What I learned today...

Before you have a child, buy stock in your favorite battery company.

I knew raising a child was expensive. I did not take into account the cost of batteries, and the fact that most toys use the big honkers.