I am so mad at myself.
Today was Fuzz's three year well child doctor's appointment. She was such a big girl, did everything the doctor asked her to, and everything checked out fine. Then the doctor told me that she needed her second Hepatitis A immunization. I am not anti-vaccination by any stretch, but when she had that shot last year, she had a reaction to it. The day after she received it, she woke up and her leg was close to twice as big as it should have been.
Initially when I went in today I thought that the shot that gave her that reaction was the one for chicken pox, so I had it planned that if they wanted to give her that one again, I was going to say no. I mean, it's chicken pox. I've had it, you've probably had it, we're all still kickin. She had already had one of the series, if she ended up getting chicken pox, it would probably be a minor case, I was ok with that decision. When I realized it was the Hepatitis A one that gave her a reaction, I wasn't so sure. Hepatitis seems more serious to me than the chicken pox.
Either way, when I started to tell the doctor that she had a reaction to that shot last time, she started interrupting me. I told her again that she had a reaction, and she says "So you don't want her to get it then?". Perhaps she didn't mean it to sound like that, but to me, that's what it sounded like. I asked her if perhaps they had a different version of the shot they could give her and she totally brushed her reaction off saying "well that one doesn't usually give a bad reaction, maybe something got in it or maybe they hit a blood vessel or something." She then wouldn't give me my paperwork until she had the shot.
So, basically, I let the doctor bully me into getting the shot for Fuzz.
I'm mad at myself, because she actually ended up having to get two shots today. One that she's had before and done fine with, HIB, and the Hep A. So the nurse does the first shot (HIB) and Fuzz doesn't even flinch. No tears, no whining, nothing. Then she does the Hep A. Again, needle goes in, Fuzz doesn't flinch. Meds go in and she screams. I told the nurse about her previous reaction and she looks at me with wide eyes and goes "Nobody told me that!" with sympathy in her voice. I was about two seconds away from bursting into tears.
The doctor never said anything!
Yet, I'm mad at myself because I'm the mama, I should have advocated better on her behalf. I should have made sure the nurse knew about the reaction.
Ugh.
Fuzz would love a little baby in our house. Two of our friends here have little ones and it has been a joy to watch her be a little mommy. Stryker and I both have the itch, but the timing isn't ideal, which ultimately just makes us want another one more I think.
Friday, I had a newborn photo shoot, and let me tell you, I fell in love. I could photograph newborn babies all day long. So innocent, so tiny, so squeaky. I forgot about those little baby squeaks.
During the dreaded first trimester of her pregnancy, Sara and I were talking about how much it sucked and how people say you forget about it. Let me tell you something. I haven't forgotten. One of the sole reasons having another baby right now makes me squirmish is because I just really don't want to be pregnant again. I had a horrible first trimester, and I didn't forget. I told Stryker multiple times during pregnancy, "I'm sorry, I know you want two, but it's not happening."
"Why would anyone have a second child?" I wondered.
I figured it out about the time Fuzz turned two. Stryker had been back for a few months, so all the responsibility of raising her wasn't falling on me anymore. Fuzz was doing and saying new things every day. I was able to sit back and enjoy her, and I was falling deeper in love than I ever thought possible. My daughter is hilarious, sweet, kind, and beautiful. That is why people have second (third, fourth...) babies. They get to that special age and just become so much fun. And then the itch begins. At least that's how it happened for me.
Lord willing we will have another baby. I'm just not sure when.
