Wordless Wednesday

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Getting there

It's been a long time since I wrote anything, and my mind is still jumbled. It's been a little crazy around here. Last week they put new flooring in the kitchen/bathroom, so I was a nomad from Wednesday to Friday. On Friday my mom, sister, and I (and Fuzz of course) went to the U.P. to visit family. We just got back yesterday. It was a great weekend, and imagine my excitement when I got back and saw this:

And this:

My dirty secret

So I made a little listy-loo on the sidebar of things I want to accomplish before Stryker gets home for R&R. I will probably be adding to it as I think of new things. As of now, half of the things are unpacking related.

Yes, I moved in March.

Yes, I still haven't finished unpacking.

Before you get all judgmental, I know it's terrible. I was all about unpacking when I first moved in here, but once I had all the necessities unpacked, my motivation went out the window. There aren't that many boxes left, and I know I will feel amazing once they are unpacked.

I just get overwhelmed.

I don't want to unpack if the house is messy because I feel like cleaning the house takes priority. But once the house is cleaned, I don't want to unpack because it will make a mess. See my predicament??

I'll tell you my dirty little secret. When I unpack, it's hard to find a home for everything, so it sits around until I know I have company coming over and then I'll shove it in a closet and shut the door. Ick. There's another one for the list...

Working woman

Yep, I got a job. Tomorrow is my first day.

I wasn't really planning on getting a job while Stryker is deployed. I didn't want a full time job for a few reasons.

#1 - We thought that while he is gone, Fuzz should have at least one of us around for her.
#2 - I am still breastfeeding, and at around 4 months Fuzz refused to take a bottle anymore. I know she would have learned if she didn't have options, but it made things difficult.
#3 - Finding a professional (I have a BBA in Finance) part-time job is nearly impossible, and probably wouldn't pay for day care.

But, I need to get out of the house occasionally and away from 24/7 mommy duty, and things just kind of fell into place.

My mom lost her job because they shut down the paper mill she worked for, and she's going back to school in the fall, so she's available to watch Fuzz. We went golfing a couple weeks ago at a golf course I used to work at and we were having a drink afterward. My old manager was bartending and she said that she needed waitresses. Voila, a very part-time, fun, low stress job to get me out a couple days a week. And a little extra cash is never a bad thing either.

Déjà vu

One of the guys who stood up in our wedding is getting married at the end of August. Stryker's mom asked me last Friday if I had gotten their invitation. I had not. She lives closer to them, and it was the 4th, so I thought maybe ours would come Saturday or early this week. Nope.

Sounds kinda familiar...and unfortunately, I am the common denominator.

I am hurt. I was totally expecting to be invited, even though Stryker probably won't be here for it. He wanted to have Stryker stand up for God's sake. He's always been sweet to me. I'm confused.

Life's not fair

Here we go, yet another "Stryker missing out" blog.

When we decided to try and have a baby, we talked it to death before we went ahead and threw out the pill. He didn't want to have to leave and have me take care of her alone, and I didn't want him to miss out on everything and then possibly resent me later for not missing everything.

In the end, we got Fuzz. I knew it was going to be terrible for him to leave once she was actually born and he was so unbelievably crazy about her. To see my husband turn to putty like that was just amazing to me.

As the deployment date quickly approached, one of my mini breakdowns was me blubbering about how sad I was that he was going to miss out on everything and how bad I felt for him. Ridiculous that my blubbering about his missing out caused him to have to comfort me, but anyway... He said "Don't worry about me, I signed up for this. I will have plenty of 'firsts' with her."

Fast forward to Sunday and it's not quite as rosy and cut and dry. Fuzz has been having a few firsts lately. First tooth, first crawl, walking around the furniture, etc. But the ones that are bothering Stryker the most are the outside summery things that we are doing. First trip to the zoo (which she hated), and first boat ride. Stryker is an outdoors kind of guy. He loves to hunt, fish, and just be outside. So these things are bothering him and it bothers me that he is sad.

Sunday was terrible. He's just been having a rough patch anyway. 4th of July is his favorite holiday and he's missing home. So when I told him she went on her first boat ride, it just kind of put him over the edge.

I felt like it turned into my fault. He didn't mention any special things he would like to be a part of her first, but when we decided to go to the zoo he said "I was just thinking of that." I told him we'd wait and he said no, it was alright, the zoo in this city is itty bitty anyway and has like deer and guinea pigs haha. When I told him we went on the boat ride he said "Ugh! Everytime I think of doing a first with her you do it. First the zoo, now the boat ride..."

My heart sunk. I told him I was sorry and he reassured me that he wants us to do fun things he's just sick of missing out. I asked him why he didn't mention that he wanted to do her first boat ride and he said that he didn't think to mention it, it was just a thought.

He felt like he was missing out, I felt like I was under attack. He wants me to do fun things with her, but he doesn't want to miss any firsts. He wants me to have family around to support me, but he doesn't want said family to be a part of the firsts if he can't. Basically any answer is the wrong one.

He wasn't being fair, but the situation isn't fair. He feels better after talking about it, and we all go through our rough patches. I just hate that he has them too.

Wow

Remember, how I mentioned my mom wanted to get a package together for Stryker and his guys?



Besides this, my grandma donated $50 to add to his phonecard. I am so incredibly blessed. What an amazing family I have. They more than came through. Wow.

UPDATE: My mom just called...she found another bag of goodies for Stryker and the guys.

Territorial

I just talked to my mom. She's been at the lake since 7AM. Our family get together starts at around 2PM. But fear not, she found a good spot!

So we're talking and she says "I even brought rope in case I had to rope off our spot" Oh my God, are you serious? I'm laughing at this point and I said "I'm surprised you didn't bring a taser to keep people away." At which she responded, "no, but I have a knife...and scissors."

Just a tad territorial, wouldn't you say?

Happy 4th of July!

I hope everyone has a fun and safe weekend.

We will be headed to the lake with family keeping in mind all of those past and present who make this day possible.

This year my mom has decided to take up a collection to send a big package to Stryker and his buddies. I'm sure they will appreciate it!

Wordless Wednesday

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