Conflicted

For this deployment, I vowed to try and live life like it wasn't on hold. In the past, I'd always felt like life was on hold while Stryker was gone, just waiting for him to resume. It made for long, sad days. So this time, especially because of Fuzz, I wanted to work on that, and so far, I've been doing a pretty good job.

Now I'm conflicted.

If life isn't on hold while Stryker is gone, and I am actually enjoying myself most of the time, what does that mean? I know it's a good thing that I don't actually need Stryker in order to live my life, but it scares me when I realize that I'm ok here without him.