Life's not fair

Here we go, yet another "Stryker missing out" blog.

When we decided to try and have a baby, we talked it to death before we went ahead and threw out the pill. He didn't want to have to leave and have me take care of her alone, and I didn't want him to miss out on everything and then possibly resent me later for not missing everything.

In the end, we got Fuzz. I knew it was going to be terrible for him to leave once she was actually born and he was so unbelievably crazy about her. To see my husband turn to putty like that was just amazing to me.

As the deployment date quickly approached, one of my mini breakdowns was me blubbering about how sad I was that he was going to miss out on everything and how bad I felt for him. Ridiculous that my blubbering about his missing out caused him to have to comfort me, but anyway... He said "Don't worry about me, I signed up for this. I will have plenty of 'firsts' with her."

Fast forward to Sunday and it's not quite as rosy and cut and dry. Fuzz has been having a few firsts lately. First tooth, first crawl, walking around the furniture, etc. But the ones that are bothering Stryker the most are the outside summery things that we are doing. First trip to the zoo (which she hated), and first boat ride. Stryker is an outdoors kind of guy. He loves to hunt, fish, and just be outside. So these things are bothering him and it bothers me that he is sad.

Sunday was terrible. He's just been having a rough patch anyway. 4th of July is his favorite holiday and he's missing home. So when I told him she went on her first boat ride, it just kind of put him over the edge.

I felt like it turned into my fault. He didn't mention any special things he would like to be a part of her first, but when we decided to go to the zoo he said "I was just thinking of that." I told him we'd wait and he said no, it was alright, the zoo in this city is itty bitty anyway and has like deer and guinea pigs haha. When I told him we went on the boat ride he said "Ugh! Everytime I think of doing a first with her you do it. First the zoo, now the boat ride..."

My heart sunk. I told him I was sorry and he reassured me that he wants us to do fun things he's just sick of missing out. I asked him why he didn't mention that he wanted to do her first boat ride and he said that he didn't think to mention it, it was just a thought.

He felt like he was missing out, I felt like I was under attack. He wants me to do fun things with her, but he doesn't want to miss any firsts. He wants me to have family around to support me, but he doesn't want said family to be a part of the firsts if he can't. Basically any answer is the wrong one.

He wasn't being fair, but the situation isn't fair. He feels better after talking about it, and we all go through our rough patches. I just hate that he has them too.